How to raise a person's self-esteem for a girl, boyfriend

Courageous and self-confident people can achieve great heights in a wide variety of areas of life. But adequate self-esteem itself is rare in girls and boys. Usually you have to work hard with this important criterion. Today, various effective ways are known that allow a person to independently raise self-esteem.

Reasons for low self-esteem

There are many reasons for low self-esteem in both sexes.

Among them:

• childhood injuries (received both in the family and outside it - in the kindergarten, at school, in the yard);
• misunderstanding in relations with parents (often it is dad and mom, with their aspirations to raise an ideal child, lay the first complexes in him);
• comparisons with other people (parents can compare a child or adolescent with themselves at this age, children of acquaintances, even with characters from books and films);
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• a harsh rude environment, people from which themselves assert themselves at the expense of others, humiliate, joke, mock (especially in transitional age, when a teenager is hard to accept any criticism and at least something unpleasant statements in his the address);
• mistakes that parents did not help to get through correctly (each person experiences in his life many defeats, but it is very important - how exactly does he do it and whether he knows how to cope with negative emotions);
• loneliness, incomprehensibility (if there is no one close and understanding around a person, then this noticeably limits his development, makes him withdrawn, vulnerable, vulnerable);
• procrastination (if the parents did not teach the child to solve their problems and important issues in time, then in the future they will accumulate and greatly interfere with the person's development, enjoy life).

Self-esteem is strongly influenced by how a person reacts to the opinions of others, how much depends on him and whether he is able to make decisions independently. If from childhood a guy or a girl strives to achieve perfection and does not realize that it is impossible to please everyone, this will definitely negatively affect self-love and self-perception.

Symptoms

Often people with low self-esteem can be seen from afar. They differ in appearance, manners, behavior. But some individuals manage to carefully hide their peculiarities and problems with the correct perception of themselves.

In this case, special symptoms will help to recognize them:

• resentment (insecure people take any criticism too sharply - even the most harmless one);
• a burning feeling of guilt and shame (such persons constantly feel guilty for any trifle, offense and sometimes, even for those situations to which they have nothing to do - they often apologize with or without);
• inadequate reaction to praise, compliments (an insecure person feels uncomfortable when told something pleasant - he wants to run away, hide, he does not know how to react to such words and most often just makes excuses in answer);
• lack of initiative (problems with self-esteem do not allow a person to open up, take responsibility, come forward in work or other areas, declare themselves);
• striving for the ideal in everything (inside a person is afraid at least in some way to be worse than others, therefore he puts all his strength into achieving ideality in all possible areas);
• the constant assumption “what will they say about me if I am”, “what will they think of me in this case”;
• focus on someone else's opinion;
• lack of even banal knowledge about myself - what I want, what I like, what violates my boundaries;
• frequent comparison of yourself with other people in different matters;
• inability to refuse others;
• frequent use in speech of the words: "hardly", "I do not know", "impossible."

Sometimes from the outside, a person seems confident, even slightly mocking and arrogant. But, if you look closely at his actions and movements, evaluate his behavior, then you can see clear signs of low self-esteem. It is also possible to detect them with deep introspection, if the person himself does not initially admit to himself in the problem.

Why is it important to work on low self-esteem

Raising self-esteem for a person is an important and necessary task. It is definitely worth working on such a parameter if problems are found with it.

Today, many people suffer from low self-esteem, which significantly limits their lives in various areas. First of all, it is difficult for a person with such a problem to adapt to the real world. Ordinary life begins to seem dangerous and uncomfortable to him. As a result, a man or a woman tries to "escape" into his own head. There, in fantasies, it turns out to be safer and more comfortable.

But real life is paused in parallel. She will not have real significant career successes, happy bright relationships, old dreams will not come true in her. In this format, a person can live his whole life, and in old age, looking back, seriously regret the unused opportunities and wasted days, weeks, years on empty fantasies.

Most people with low self-esteem, who do not work on themselves and do not try to change, cannot find their place in the world. They settle for the minimum. As a result, such people choose uninteresting and simplest work, which brings them neither money, nor inner satisfaction, nor useful acquaintances. They are content with little in finances and literally close themselves in a small cardboard box from which they cannot see the world.

Personal growth is almost impossible with low self-esteem. It also seriously interferes with moving up the career ladder, even if the person still managed to find an interesting decent job. Lack of self-confidence often leaves people missing many opportunities that can dramatically change their lives for the better.

If you don't start working with it seriously, your own negative image in your head can even lead to physical problems. Often, such an attitude towards oneself for a long time causes the following symptoms: sweating, tremors of the limbs, reddening of the skin, increased heart rate. In addition, a person may develop an eating disorder or a stool disorder. If the problem is running, then in the end it becomes more difficult to cope with it alone. The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist may be required.

How to help build healthy self-esteem

You need to start working with self-esteem with the main thing - to stop asking the people around you to evaluate yourself. And these are not at all direct requests and demands. Sometimes this happens subconsciously, at the level of gestures, facial expressions, with the help of certain words.

You can start by observing yourself. You will need to track how many times a day a person asks other people about how he looks, whether the outfit suits him, whether he did the right thing, whether he looked stupid. This also applies to questions with views, which are not so easy to notice. All such behavioral mistakes are best written down and analyzed at the end of the day. And in the future, try to minimize them in your life.

Modern psychologists and psychotherapists note that when working with self-esteem, cognitive-behavioral therapy is excellent. After all, evaluating yourself is a thought process. Once in a person's head, thoughts appeared that he was worse than others, ugly, stupid, unable to achieve anything. They not only arose, but also firmly entrenched in a man or woman. Now you need to work with them and change them to more positive, correct and painless attitudes. It is worth noting that this is not a quick process. Every unpleasant and negative thought will have to be studied, challenged and replaced.

A person with low self-esteem often thinks that any laugh in the crowd is about him, that all the sidelong glances are directed at him. Such people love to think out for those around them. For example, looking at a grinning guy, they conclude: “This young man is laughing at me. He thought that I was dressed up stupidly, that my new suit did not suit me, and in general I am a loser. " The result is sadness and a spoiled mood for the whole day. But a passer-by could simply smile at his thoughts and not notice anyone around, and even more so not give an assessment to the oncoming people. Working with thoughts is not easy, but it's worth it.

In the process you will need:

1. Write on paper all thoughts about yourself.
2. Highlight the negative among them and mark "for" and "against" opposite each one. It is important to think carefully about whether there are real confirmations of each thought. Options: “it seems to me”, “I suppose”, “I am sure that it is” are not suitable
3. Make a list of alternative thoughts - positive ones, with which you can replace the negative ones found.
4. Write down separately all your positive qualities, merits and achievements.
5. Analyze all compiled lists. At this stage, it is very important to determine which thoughts a person is comfortable with, and which ones really hinder and limit him.

If you can't work with thoughts on your own, then in this matter you can turn to a specialist for help. For example, an experienced psychologist.

Woman

It is important to raise a person's self-esteem regardless of gender. Uncertain women also need it very much.

First of all, the girl needs to understand whether she is in the right place in her life. It often happens that a woman begins to follow the path imposed on her by society. Due to low self-esteem, she cannot understand what she really wants and blindly follows the prompts of others.

For example, those around her tell her that she needs to be a housewife with 5 dishes for dinner and a lot of children, and only then will she be able to achieve the praise and approval of society. Although the girl herself actually wants to become a mother of at most one child and build a successful career. It is in such contradictions that it is important to understand in advance and determine the most comfortable road for yourself.

Also, a girl should limit her communication with people who can afford to criticize her or have any unpleasant emotional impact. If a friend says nasty things about a woman's new image every time and tries to hurt her more painfully, most likely this is not a friend at all. You don't have to quarrel with people and tell them what you think. It is enough just to limit their negative impact on yourself. This will already give clear positive results.

It is equally important to stop constantly comparing yourself to other people. Especially - the results of their own actions. Psychologists suggest that you can only be considered healthy by comparing yourself with your previous one. Here we are talking about internal growth, not devaluation.

For a woman, her appearance is also important. It also greatly affects self-esteem. If a girl is not happy with herself, she should figure out which features of her appearance do not suit her. It is advisable to write them down on paper, assess whether these are really shortcomings, and then draw up a plan to eliminate disturbing moments. Perhaps the girl will want to gradually improve her figure, start caring for her hair, and choose the perfect haircut for herself.

Man

It can be difficult for a man to raise his self-esteem. It is important that the person works on this moment according to the correct painless scheme. It is especially important for the stronger sex to feel courageous, strong, strong-willed. Such needs are especially aggravated after 30 years.

Indeed, at this age, a person already has many goals and mistakes achieved behind his back, and one can draw conclusions, sum up some results. If at such an important stage a man realizes that he has not achieved anything of the desired, this can negatively affect his self-esteem. The main thing here is not to shut yourself up and look for the right solutions to the problem.

A man should start with his appearance and health. By tidying up the body and daily routine, the young man will already be able to feel more confident and comfortable. A great solution would be to add some kind of physical activity to your own schedule. For example, morning exercises, jogging, going to the gym or swimming pool. Any sports activities help not only improve your appearance and keep yourself in good shape, but also put your thoughts in order, understand which road you want to move on.

Further, a man should carefully study and evaluate his own environment. Surely among friends there are people who only harm and bring negativity into life. Such characters should be pushed away from you as far as possible. Let only such people remain in the immediate environment of men who are actively developing, radiating positive and goodness. There will always be something to talk about with them, you will want to reach for them.

If a man does not have an interesting hobby, and work does not bring pleasure, this also negatively affects self-esteem. It is not too late to change the field of activity or at least its main direction at any age. Fascinating interesting work and hobbies after it fill life with meaning, give a man strength, a daily charge of vivacity. Climbing the career ladder turns out to be easier and more enjoyable in the end. And this in itself already raises the self-esteem of the young man.

A man should sit down at the table and write in detail what he would like to achieve in life in different areas. Next, you will be able to mark which steps to take in order to at least slowly start moving towards your goals. With each new success, with each victory, the young man's self-confidence will already grow. And in parallel, you can start working with thoughts. The first positive results will give strength and desire to continue on your way.

It is also very important for every man to learn to accept his own weaknesses and not reproach himself for them. It's best to just focus on strengths and reflect on them as often as possible.

To kid

It is important to raise a person's self-esteem at any age. The sooner the problem is dealt with, the better for the man or woman in the future.

Parents should help the child to raise self-esteem. First of all, they will need to refuse to compare their son or daughter with others, as well as to exaggerate requirements for the child. Let the heir have the opportunity to prove himself free, spontaneous, easy. If the actions of the child do not bother anyone, then you should not scold him simply for the fact that they do not correspond to the ideal behavior. It is necessary to give a son or daughter the opportunity at least sometimes to act as he wants, to act freely, to bear responsibility for himself.

Frequent praise and compliments to the child also work great. Parents should more often take him by the hand and say: “How talented you are”, “How proud I am of you”, “Wow, how interesting and competently you solved the problem”. Such words of mom and dad perfectly raise self-esteem, allow the child to grow up confident and happy.

It is no less important for the parents themselves to work on their own self-esteem, to increase it in all possible ways. If a person does not love and respect himself, he is unlikely to be able to teach this to a child.

Teenager

Raising self-esteem during adolescence is usually the hardest thing to do. Parents and the right environment should help him in this. For example, mom and dad can support a child in difficult life stages. If a son or daughter is faced with an unpleasant situation at school, when the teacher humiliates him, then parents should definitely intervene. This does not mean that the child is weak.

These complexities are best dealt with together. The parent can talk to the teacher and prohibit the use of any derogatory language against the teenager. The student will feel the support of the family and already against this background will feel much more confident. Then he will probably be able to continue to solve the problem on his own.

Parents should also spend more time with their teenager. Insecure people often lock up at home and try to go out into society as little as possible, forbidding themselves to live life to the fullest, rejoice and have fun. It is worth showing a teenager how beautiful and filled with happiness the world around him is. He can safely get out of the "cardboard box" and go to life. Together it is interesting to go to play sports, on a picnic, to the cinema, to study some new interesting things and even just to take a walk.

Trainings and exercises

Modern psychologists offer everyone a lot of special trainings and exercises to raise self-esteem. The most effective ones are described later in the article.

Success diary

You can do this simple and powerful exercise yourself. As a result, you will even be able to make it your style of life.

For such a diary, an ordinary notebook is taken. It records all one's own achievements - even the most insignificant at first glance. The exercise is based on the fact that the human brain retains negative information longer, and quickly forgets positive information. A success diary will help to keep important information and will give you the opportunity to re-read the entries and often remember your victories.

When working with a notebook, it is important to act gradually, but constantly. It is impossible to immediately notice the full volume of correct changes. But in small pieces, an impressive and inspiring picture will emerge.

Auto-training

This is a popular psychotherapeutic technique for raising self-esteem.

For her you need:

1. Relax physically as much as possible.
2. Sit in a comfortable position in silence, feel complete peace.
3. Choose affirmations for yourself to increase self-esteem For example, "I am confident in myself", "I achieve everything I want", "I look great."
4. Pronounce the selected phrases clearly, calmly out loud. For example, each - 2-3 times.

It is advisable to repeat the procedure daily in the early morning or before bedtime. Affirmations for yourself can be drawn up with a therapist.

Exercise "I am strong"

To complete this exercise, you need to write 3 of the most difficult situations from your own life. It is enough just to designate them, without details. For example, the divorce of parents or their own, dismissal, death of a loved one.

Next, you need to describe how you managed to survive the difficult period. If it was very bad then, but we managed to cope with it, then there is strength inside. It will also help to increase self-esteem. It is useful to review your victories regularly in your head and be proud of yourself.

Professional trainings

Self-esteem training is conducted by professional psychologists and psychotherapists. Today in every city you can find one for every taste.

It's even easier to choose online options:

Training	Peculiarities
"I am a child" by Tata Feodoridi	This is a large-scale program that works through childhood traumas and builds support for oneself and one's strength.
"My adult self" by Bergen Olesya	At the marathon, people deal with their complexes and learn to perceive and love themselves in real life. The course includes thematic lectures and practical exercises.
"Improving self-esteem in 21 days"	The online marathon lasts 3 weeks and allows a person to finally start focusing on themselves and listening to their desires.
"How to increase self-esteem and start loving yourself"	This is a weeklong training session that consists of 4 lessons. Suitable also for teenagers.

It is important for every person to deal with their psychological state in time and raise self-esteem. This is true for people of any gender and age: men and women, adults and children. You can also work on self-esteem independently with the help of thematic exercises and trainings.

Self-esteem video

How to raise low self-esteem: